NFL Fail, Adminsitrivia, Thanks.

Way to go, Philadelphia Eagles for signing Michael Vick. Not.

This man should be working in an animal shelter, unpaid, for... how's eternity sound?

I'd really like to know what gets you perma-banned from the NFL. Seems they're willing to turn a blind eye to many player misdeeds as long as asses are in the seats.

I'm more or less settled now, so if you have a fail, please send it on in.

Thank you for your tips and tricks re: moving with cats. I only sedated them the first day, they seemed OK without it for the rest of the trip. Everyone is now safe and happy in Texas. Thanks again!

My Apologies

Sorry I haven't posted lately, but my real life has taken over in a huge way. Between the regular job, an engagement, and an impending move to Texas, I've been busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.

That said, do any of my readers have any helpful tips for taking two unruly felines by car from Seattle to Austin (I've moved them across town, but this is waaaaaay different)? If so, please put them in the comments, and thank you.

I have some fails saved up, when things quiet down I'll post 'em.

HK

We're All DOOMED!

Cat Doomed Litter Box - $15

Like new doomed litter box....to big for my space. $15.00
Perfect condition.... Big enough for up to a 15 lb cat...
Keep the litter and smell in the box and not in the room.

It's the Litter Box of Doom! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

I had no idea doom was so cheap.

Shih Tzu Fail.

shit_zue named bubba

Our puppy is getting to be a little to much to handle, he needs more attention than we can give him. We had gotten him in november of last year and we have been trying to train him to be "cool" and "chill out", but he is just so hyper it is hard to keep up with him and two small children. My children absolutly love him but they are to rough with him. He needs to be in a loving home (otherwise im gunna say no to you) he needs room to run and play, he absolutly loves being outside and is an exalent watch dog and companion, not to mension he loves to cuddle and sleep in your bed. I am going to include everything you need for him... including: bed, food, food and water dishes, toys, treats, doggie poo bags, doggy clothes, and kennel. for more info please contact me...

ONLY SERIOUSE PEOPLE !!!! no people who ask a question and never go through with anything... I MEAN IT!! our puppy deserves a loveing home and will only go to one..

Oh, where to begin... how about SHIT ZUE. I think if you can't spell the breed, perhaps you shouldn't own the breed.

It's a shit zue named Bubba. Classy.

Somehow, Bubba doesn't understand the words "cool" and "chill out." Maybe because Bubba's not one of your stoner friends? Bubba probably needs more training than a side-eye and a laconic "chill, dog."

The kids are too rough with it, guess who really needs the training here?

How can you tell a non-loving home from a loving one? Am I to believe that you're going to be responsible enough to do a home check?

Lazy owner, lazy parent, can't spell for shit (tzu). I wonder what the re-homing fee is?

Words Fail...

Mine do, anyway. Put yours in the comments.

Bernese Mountain Fail.

rehoming advice needed

I need advice. I have a 3 year old male berner. Very sweet. Except that he has become extreemely dog aggressive. He us unaltered. Please no mail telling me how worng it is and that that we would not be having these issues if we have neutered. We know. What I need is information on rehoming so that I make sure he finds a safe new home. We cannot keep him. We ahve a neighbor dog who he hates. everytime they pass by he goes crazy. even broke a window trying to getout. He is marking in the house daily right in front of us. I am worried about our child safety. At the same time we know it is our fault and want to make sure we get his needs taken care of. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. We cannot keep him.

You really want advice? GET THE DAMN DOG NEUTERED. Here's some more advice: don't say "please no mail telling us how worng it is" when the furry problem is marking the carpets daily. You know it's your fault, and you just don't care. May your inbox overflow with the stuff called hate mail. You should be ashamed of yourself.

It's super-duper sweet that you're worried about your child's safety, but I don't think I'm alone in thinking someone like you should never have bred in the first place.

Even more advice: learn to spell. You look like selfish lazy assholes enough without your butchering the English language.

I do hope this dog found a home that will a.) fix him, and b.) take the time to train him into the awesome dog that most Berners are.

Reptile FAIL.

My sons were playing with one of our anacondas outside today and got distracted. This is a BIG snake and he can be quite aggressive if you don't know what you're doing. He slithered off, and we have looked everywhere. He's due to eat soon, so he may be hungry and he could easily take a cat or small dog. He could also be hurt by one, so we want him back soon. You can't miss him, he's mostly green/olive colored, doesn't matter, if you see a snake his size call me, anytime of the day or night PLEASE! I'll run right over and get him.

Lost near Shoreline Community College, and hell yes my kids are in trouble over this! No computers for them for a week!

Did you hear that noise just now? That was my head exploding from the dumb here. There are some animals that just shouldn't be kept as pets, and this would be Exhibit A. Here's what Wikipedia has to say about anacondas in captivity. It's the sentence at the end that really drives things on home. Besides, did no one see Anaconda with Ice Cube and J. Lo? Yeah, that ended well.

Hell, I'm really glad that a parent dumb enough to keep huge, potentially aggressive reptiles in the house is smart enough to take the kids' computer privileges away for a week. That'll show 'em!!! Show them what, I'm not sure.

Wait, ONE anaconda got loose? This means they own another ginormous cranky herp. Someone please call the Darwin Award folks so they can track this.

Oh, and if you're in the Shoreline, WA area, you may want to keep Fluffy indoors for a bit.